When Christmas Isn’t Merry

When longtime missionary Jim Hill attended an office Christmas dinner two years ago, he ate but didn’t stay for the festivities.

Instead, Hill, who serves with TWR (also known as Trans World Radio), returned to the silence of his cubicle. Sitting at his laptop, he typed the words: “Is it OK to grieve at Christmas?”

Those words became the opening of Grieving at Christmas, an audio program that Hill added to A TWR Christmas Collection, a curated set of seasonal programs on the TWR360 app and website.

Offered in more than a hundred languages, TWR360 is the portal for a multitude of Christian ministries with access to Scriptures, to topical studies, to worship music, and to programs aimed toward men and women, teenagers and children.

A TWR Christmas Collection was added in 2020, said Hill, who is on the administrative team for TWR360. But the next year, Hill sensed something missing.

“Something … was lacking, and I felt strongly it needed to be there,” he said. “And that was giving permission to somebody who was grieving at Christmas time and just did not feel happy and joyous.”

The sense came from Hill’s own experiences that year. The wives of two colleagues and a relative had died from COVID. A friend died unexpectedly with the 10 minutes it took his wife to run an errand. Then, within the space of a few weeks, his best friend and his father died, that latter in late October. 

“I just did not really feel jovial and joyous that Christmas,” Hill said.

Hill knows that many people are dealing with fresh grief each year as Christmas nears. Others may feel sorrowful every year because of memories of losing a loved one around Christmas. They may feel a sense of guilt that they are unable to join in the celebratory feeling of the season.

“I think people need the help of someone else saying, ‘Hey, it’s OK to grieve at Christmas,’” he said. “And give yourself permission to grieve at Christmas and not feel guilty.”

TWR’s Andy Napier later recorded Hills sharing his thoughts in the studio, and then added a musical background. It comes across not as professional counseling, but as a caring friend sharing his hurts with another. Hill said he wants people “not to feel like I’ve got to be singing “Joy to the World’ when, you know, ‘Silent Night’ is probably my thing right now.”

Grieving at Christmas, and the rest of A Christmas Collection, can be found on TWR360.